I was going to write a proper film review of the reboot/re-launch/re-imagining/re-whatever of Fantastic Four. Instead, I've decided to just rip this film apart. I'm not being a jerk. This film has it coming. A review can only be written on a film where at least something works. Nothing works in this film. Nothing. It is the most inexplicably terrible piece of cinema I have had the displeasure of watching this year. It's not often that I advise people not to see a film. Films are subjective, so...